I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize