Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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