I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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