Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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