oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
