I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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