just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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