I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
