I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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