I hate all girls vehemently.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize