You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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