your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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