my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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