i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
