remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
