wakey wakey hands off snakey
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
