Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just blew my weed a kiss
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
