It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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