Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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