His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize