I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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