i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
