Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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