I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
