my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
