mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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