Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
