I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
