this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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