My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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