My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize