I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Found the puke drawer
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
