Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
