Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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