You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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