my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
