Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
