did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize