He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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