I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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