whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
