we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
