I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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