OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
