I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
