Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
