you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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