i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
