You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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