you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize