Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
