This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There's always time for handjobs
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
