the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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