I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
How naked do you want me to be?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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