i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
