did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
