you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
