I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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