I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
