there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
