lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
