He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
