i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
