News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize